how to approach mentorship

 The topic of the day is mentorship. Mentorship is something I always sought from a young age - even when I didn't know that's what it's called. From getting my 2nd grade teacher to show me how she did her art, to my Robotics mentors today who help me solve problems and develop my engineering thinking, 

    The foundation of mentorship is gaining insight from those who are more experienced than you. This can be in life, in a particular career field, in a particular task or hobby, and more. Humans are so unique. We all lead such vastly different lives. There are people out there who do amazing things every day, who are changing the world as we know it - no matter what size the portion. Human intellect is astonishing - we are the only known species that seeks to understand - that is driven by the desire to understand, even when we are forced to admit we know nothing. Pulling from the information that those more knowledgable than you have is an amazing way to grow, even more so than memorizing facts or forcing yourself to approach everything alone.

    Humans have a way of adapting and inventing - necessity truly is the mother of invention, and many people don't even know they are inventors. Some may make gadgets and gizmos, yes, but others create systems. Others notice patterns and understand how to adapt them to their benefit. Others still know much about building a network that will push you to succeed. 

    But where can you find a mentor? Again, a mentor is really just someone who is more experienced and skilled than you in a certain area where you seek to gain guidance and improve. If you are lucky enough to have a good relationship with your parents, they can be your mentors, In any activities? Your coaches are there because they want to be. They can give you more guidance than you think, if only you ask.

    It all comes down to asking, doesn't it? Remember, day one over one day. Nothing can happen if you don't take that first step. 

    Understand what you want from your mentorship first. Do you want to walk away with tangible growth in a skill? Do you want to understand how to carry a conversation with strangers? Do you want new opportunities to then branch off of? Do you want a long-time commitment? Do you want a short-term discussion? Do you want a teacher? A partner? A friend, to whom you can turn about technical along with emotional questions?

    You won't get what you want if you don't know what you want. Spend time on this step. What do you seek to gain from the mentorship, and what do you most desire to learn?

    But let's talk about questions. Even after knowing what you desire from a mentorship, it can be hard to understand how to lead that discussion. In this post, I'll give you some advice on a few key areas of mentorship and questions you can use to gain effective guidance in the desired area of your life.

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CAREER

    Lived experiences are a treasure trove of information and advice, no matter how they are presented. There is a theory that the things people say to you never truly make sense until it is time for you to hear them. The thing about lived experiences and understanding what another has gone through is it sticks with you - even if hearing about that problem your mentor experienced does nothing for you right now, just wait until a few years down the line you use what you learned to get yourself out of a pickle. Don't understand how they noticed that warning sign? You may very well soon see them yourself - and know how to act. From their academic journey to their first and last job you may be inspired then or down the line by something you would have otherwise known nothing about.

    Here are some conversation starters and notes that may allow you to dive deep into this with your mentor:

How did you know this career path was right for you? Would you choose it again?

• Whether you are interested in theirs or not, the pursuit of purpose is the life-long adventure that humans spend the most time on, across the board. Hearing from someone who has passed more time than you provides valuable insight into how you might identify your own best role.
• Ask what strategies they used to identify their passion.
• Ask what regrets they have - what do they wish they had done?

How have you handled failure or setbacks? 

• The ability to bounce back from failure and find a place of success is a valuable trait. If you are speaking to your mentor right now, that means, despite the challenges they still bear the burden of today, they have overcame and seen many more.
• What did they do, AND what do they wish they did?

What was the one decision you made that affected your career the most?

• Making hard decisions is, well, hard. But oftentimes, they lead to something beautiful and transformative. 

What do you wish you knew when you were at my stage in life? What do you wish someone had told you?

• This question is the ultimate cash-grab, along with the one below. This may give you the mental hit you need to make that change, to tell that person, to make the most of the time you have now, to love and to live.

What is the best advice a mentor has ever given you?

• Again, cheat question - knowledge is valuable, especially when it has time to be tested and cultivated.
• This acts as a filter, guaranteeing you advice that has worked for someone else and may work for you as well.

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MEANING AND PURPOSE

    Ahh... back here again, huh? What can we learn from others' journey to understanding what they want out of their lives and finding something to drive them. We all want to understand ourselves more, and know what lights the fire inside of us that makes us want to wake up early every morning and work towards something that is meaningful. No matter what that is for you, the journey to understanding can feel similar even if it is completely different. Use this to your advantage to work with your mentor and start narrowing down on what it is that makes you passionate.

    Quick disclaimer: humans are meant to have so many passions. There will be endless things in your life that bring you joy and energy, from sports, to arts, to learning, to technology, and more. But this is beyond a hobby, beyond something you want to do in your free time. The passion I am talking about is the thing that you build your life around. The thing that drives you out of bed in the morning and pushes you to succeed. Do you want to build a family, and provide for those you love? Are you an advocate for those who's voices are silenced? Are you meant to see the world, and help others find it as well? This is a question you will have to answer on your own - but a mentor can help lessen the road blocks on your way there.

What was the process you used to find your "why?"

• What challenges did they face head on? 
• What habits did they develop?
• Did they have a process they knew they were using, or do they realize now looking back that they understand and appreciate the path they took to understanding?

How do you approach risks?

• How can you take chances?
• How can you build enough security and confidence in yourself to take those leaps?
• How can you understand when a risk is worth it, and when it isn't?

What values drive you? How did you learn those are your guiding principles?

• What lived experiences revealed these values? 
• What situation were they placed in that opened their eyes, and how can you replicate those scenarios?
• How can you challenge yourself to understand yourself better?

What or who played the greatest role in making you who you are today?

• Where did they meet this person?
• How did this scenario play out?
• What emotions did it spark? What sparks these same emotions in you?

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    SKILLS

    Skills may initially sound like an incredibly broad category, but there are key ones that allow all others to develop. We are all incredibly unique and possess expertise in various categories, but some skills determine our ability to go ahead and define the special lifestyles we each seek to live. Asking about these skills, and the weaknesses on the flip side, is a great way to learn more about the duality of humanity.

How do you keep your feelings separated from your decision-making?

• The separation of temporary emotions and long-lasting decisions is a key skill for all. Making choices with a lack of mental clarity or stability, whether you are angry, mad, sad, or even incredibly overjoyed, is a notoriously bad habit of many. 
• How can you learn to maintain the stability of your life rather than experiencing debilitating highs and lows?

How do you balance your work and home life?

• Time management - the gatekeeper to success. So many things to do, and not enough time to do it. Or is there?
• How did they learn to do this? What are the most helpful habits in finding this balance?

How do you keep a positive attitude when things are going against you?

• It's important to let yourself feel. Heck, it's likely that is why we are here in the first place. But it is doubly important to remind yourself that life is a continuous series of ups and downs, and turnarounds - redirection that may initially feel like rejection.
• What keeps you grounded in times of difficulty?

How do you approach the problem of wanting to give up?

• Every journey begins with a step forward. But any journey can end after losing the desire or motivation to keep taking those steps.
• How can you understand when something is not meant for you vs when you may have too many things on your plate?
• How can you get better at asking for help?

What do you think are your most useful skills?

• What is most applicable in their life?
• What habits or abilities can you begin to grow to experience similar success?

What are your current areas of development? What made you believe that was an important area for you to work on?

• What is a skill that takes a long time to build up?
• What makes it clear that this is a skill that is worth the time it takes to develop?

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       Mentorship may sound scary at first. But it all boils down to learning and growth, being supported along your journey to learn more about yourself and the world by a more experienced individual who cares about you. It's such an old process for a reason - anyone can truly benefit from the experience.

    Take the steps today to look around you and identify who might be a good mentor for you. Who do you see in your community that you want to emulate? Who do you know that has a particular skill or affinity for something that you want to grow your own skills in? Who would be a valuable part of your network? Who's job do you admire? Who's passion do you seek to reflect in your own life?

    If one person says no, ask the next. Rejection is redirection - the right person is waiting for you somewhere, ready to answer your question and share their story in the hopes that it helps you to lead your own.

    I hope these questions help you break the ice and identify the key skills and understandings you want to build throughout your mentorship. Go out there and be curious. Ask questions. 

    All the questions.

Signing off, 

nexisphere