a letter to my 25 year old self - [for March 1, 2033]

Dear me,

Do you remember me?

Do you remember the things that excite me? What peeves me? What enrages me, what makes me cry?

Do you remember who I love? Who I think about, who I worry about?

Do you remember what I am passionate about? Or is that different now?

Do you remember the promises I make, the oaths I take, the things I so adamantly chase?

Do you remember what it felt like to be 17? 

Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in the weight of my own expectations. Sometimes it feels like my emotions are too strong for this frail mind of mine. Sometimes my passion and desire feels like it's going to tear me apart.

Sometimes the world feels too big and too small at the same time.

Sometimes I think I am my own biggest fear.

Do you still feel that way?

It's going to be okay.

Maybe these huge things seem small to you now - has distance dampened these emotions?

But what about now?

What scares you most?

What are you most proud of?

Who is most important to you?

What is your favorite book? Song? Story? Movie? Quote? Food?

What are your goals for the next year? The next 5 years? The next 10 years?

Do you know yourself?

Do you know what gives you purpose?

Do you know what you like, what you don't like?

Don't worry if you haven't yet. Life is a journey.

What about the other things you wanted to do?

Have you told him?

Has mom found herself again? Have you given her the life you always dreamed of?

Have you strengthened your relationship with your brother? Given him the time back that you lost during those years of endless toil?

Have you found a career you feel passionate about beyond the monetary value? Or have you succumbed to the ever-turning wheel of capitalist surface-level corporate satisfaction? 

You're better than that.

Have you healed from the things you don't speak about?

I hope you traveled to those countries you always dreamed about.

I hope my hard work, my sleepless nights, the time I spent alone in that room paid off.

I hope you've built that relationship you so desperately desired.

I hope you've rebuilt your bond with those you had drifted away from.

I hope you smile when you look in the mirror.

I hope you feel safe in your body, in your home, in your relationships, in the world.

I hope you feel that when someone asks you who you are, you have an answer.

I hope you wrote that story you were always thinking about.

I hope you found a project that makes you wake up excited every morning.

I hope you still devote yourself to your passions.

I hope you've gained control over that racing mind of yours.

Remember to be kind to yourself.

Remember to show grace to others.

Remember "patience yields focus."

Remember everyone else is living life for the first time too.

Remember energy is a limited resource - and one that should be protected.

Remember your words are powerful - towards yourself and others.

Remember your worth, and it's inability to be defined by anyone other than yourself.

Remember day one over one day.

Remember your passion - remember how badly you want to make change. How badly you want to live a life greater than yourself.

Remember to let yourself feel things - grief, joy, excitement, sadness, passion, anger. What else are you here for?

Remember to live, feel, love, and be loved are the greatest privileges of all - and everyone deserves them equally.

I'm proud of you.

Love,

17-year old you.