the phenomena of popularity and how it is measured through the ages
I’ve always been fascinated by the phenomena of “popularity.” I believe this concept presents itself differently across cultures, but it’s especially interesting as an immigrant to the United States, where this idea is perpetuated across media types. I’ll never know how exactly popularity is determined in my home country Ethiopia - but I sure remember the first time I encountered this ideology in America.
My family settled in Southern Minnesota when I was around 4 years old. My parents, of course, wanted me to be able to adjust to the new culture and ideologies of America so I could more readily fit in with and interact with my peers. Hence, the endless TV shows and movies that were meant to show me what exactly life was like in America.
I don’t quite remember the name of this particular show, but I believe it was on Disney channel - all I remember is a family of 4, with two siblings who were always at each other's throats. I remember being entranced by this show between the ages of 6 and 8 - by then we had gained a new addition to the family with my brother, who quickly became my dress-up doll and partner in crime. I found myself fantasizing about being like the girl in the show, as she was an older sister to a younger brother as well.
Additionally, I soon found myself fantasizing about the social scene at the (highly dramatized) school the girl was going to. To a young, impressionable girl desperate to fit in with her peers who seemed to have already developed long-standing relationships, the idea that one could be “popular” - the type of person everyone wanted to talk to and be around, was quite enticing. I found myself practicing the walk, talk, demeanor, and style of the “popular” people in this show - without quite understanding how this idea manifests in real life. However, reflecting back upon my years in elementary, middle, and high school, and having a greater holistic understanding of beauty standards and the expectations around wealth and idealized personalities, I feel I have a much better grasp on the fluctuations of this phenomena through the ages. Of course, I have to put a disclaimer here - after talking to friends from other countries and even states, these varying ideologies and idealisms are actually even more variant across regions and take into account many external, environmental, and social factors. These statements and observations I make are just that - observations of my own suburban middle-class town in North America and the social scene as my peers and I developed and grew.
Let’s start with elementary school. Now here is an interesting age - at this point, children are learning the basic rules of life and understanding the existence of various lifestyles. We begin coming to terms with the fact that not everyone was raised the same way as us or lives in the same type of household. It’s a quite fascinating revelation actually - I have always been a big people-watcher, and I remember this habit starting right around elementary school when I was exposed to such a wide variety of people and styles and languages and cultures and rules. I had a pretty unique experience in elementary school - I was actually friends with many of the “popular” people in our grade, the types of people that everyone knew and talked about and wanted to be close with. I remember being approached by random children multiple times just for them to ask me how I became friends with “them.” Here’s the thing - being around these “popular” people did not automatically launch me to stardom. You could think of me more like this group's “assistant” or even PR representative - children like these often spoke to me because the others were “too cool” to approach directly. Yeah. Kids are brutal. But it gave me a good chance to take a step back and observe this hierarchy as it began to develop.
In Elementary school I observed 4 main standards upon which popularity was developed. Objective beauty, how “old” you looked, your involvement in cross-gender interaction, and skill.
Let’s break this down, starting with objective beauty. European beauty standards were quite prevalent in elementary school. Popular media at the time perpetuated this standard of long, blonde hair, small noses, bright eyes, and light or “tan” skin. You can imagine the adverse effects this had on my own self-worth. The majority of the group of “popular” kids that I engaged with regularly all had these traits. But the ones who didn’t had some of the others - particularly how “old” they looked.
In elementary and middle school, honestly as children in general, one of the biggest standards of how “cool” you were was how much older you looked than everyone else. The idea that someone was allowed to do more or hang out with older kids or even look like them was a major boost to one’s popularity, because everyone wanted to be around the kinds of people who had older siblings or could be friends with older kids. As a kid, all you want to do is be older than you are, to grow up fast, to make all your own choices and do “whatever you want.” So, the kids with older siblings, with painted nails, with streaks of color in their hair, with phones and other technology, etc, were instantly boosted in the elementary school food chain.
Next, cross-gender interaction. This one is a little obvious. As kids with little experience in romantic endeavors and exposed to the dramatized American media about romance and “true love,” we all wanted to experience our “Cinderella” moment and find true love on the playground. This also ties into the idea of acting “older,” as we all knew about teenagers and their legendary romantic exploits. Rumors about a “couple” in elementary school (derived from glimpses of hands touching or even, once in a while, a kiss) immediately made the people involved the talk of the playground town. This trait I find quite humorous looking back, especially having experienced a year in high school where one could argue that being single brings more appeal in terms of “popularity.”
And finally - skill. This is my favorite marker of popularity in elementary school as I look back and shake my head at some of the other traits. In elementary school, despite exposure to popular media, children have a much more open worldview in terms of future careers. Everything is an adventure, and being a magician is just as cool and feasible as being a doctor - even more so. Hence, skills like making slime, riding a bike with no hands, speaking another language, even making weird shapes with one's tongue could all launch a child to stardom as word spreads of their excellence in some category that was apparently going to make them “famous” in the future. Who doesn’t want to be friends with the next Harry Houdini?
Ah… middle school. The best of times and the worst of times. I will say, I had a unique experience in middle school with COVID wiping out the majority of my first two years and exposing us to even more media than previously normal. However, middle school has some of the most fascinating popularity dynamics of all the levels of primary schooling. I watched my popular elementary school group fluctuate and transform in the face of an entirely new group from the other elementary school that fed in with us,
In middle school, the 4 main markers of popularity I observed were: wealth, beauty and personal style, romantic endeavours, and again, how “old” you behaved and acted.
Let’s start with wealth - a new marker. As children grow older and understand the social hierarchy that is present in our world, it is more common to compare our economic standing with that of others as it becomes more obvious what a difference it can make in one’s life. That kid with the cabin, or that kid with the boat, or that kid with the 3 story house and an indoor movie theatre, all have something other kids want desperately, and the opportunity to “ask their parents” for more. As a kid, the greatest thing money buys is experiences, from multiple vacations to jet skiing to throwing big birthday parties. As a result, the people who can afford the most experiences become centered in middle-school hierarchies as the ones you should try to be friends with in order to be included in all the fun.
Next, let’s look at beauty and personal style. While I talked about euro-centric beauty standards earlier, I found that in my region, middle school was the time when people began to branch outside of just race-based beauty standards and more so style. This integrated greatly with the “wealth” aspect as those who could afford the latest and greatest brands were commended for their “stylistic” sense - as well as those with the confidence (and again, money) to dress the way they wanted, from the goth girl to the kid with the shiniest Jordans. This metric is a little more heartwarming as it was enjoyable to watch these hierarchical semantics play out in a more even and diverse playing field that enabled self-expression. But it again centered the issue of access and economic disparity, as many of these celebrated styles were more expensive than many could afford.
I’m going to talk about romantic endeavors and how “old” you behaved together, as they often wound up so. In middle school, the kids with the lenient parents, who could invite people to their own home or go over to other people’s, the kids who threw parties, even the kids who were getting involved with substances, were strangely admired for their ability to act like and surround themselves with the highschoolers we so idolized. This ties back into the seemingly eternal struggle for children in situating ourselves as individuals with strong opinions and the ability to choose for ourselves while still being largely under the jurisdiction of our families. As puberty entered the mix and many of us were experiencing emotions as we never had before, romantic endeavors were established as a marker of “advancement” in life and social stature. This metric in particular saddens me as I remember the countless individuals I spoke with that were experiencing desperation for a romantic or even sexual adventure of their own, feeling pressured far past what is necessary for a child in our society and encouraged by the ideology that they were “behind” because they weren’t experiencing these things at the same rate.
An interesting phenomena happened when we all entered high school, however. While I will confirm that I have only just completed my first year of high school and still have much more to learn, many of the cliques and metrics for popularity here have largely dissipated. It’s quite fascinating - while those people with the traits I have mentioned before, including wealth, romantic and sexual experience, and beauty were still talked about, they weren’t necessarily the center of attention or even acknowledged as “popular” kids. In high school I’ve noticed a reemergence of an emphasis on individual style and skill, as kids that demonstrate high involvement in activities from music to sports to robotics, kids who have interesting skills or are known for their expansive knowledge on some subject, and more, are more recognized by their peers - and more specifically, groups of their peers. As we enter the transition period between childhood and entering the “adult” world, many of my peers have found comfort in friend groups with similar interests and ideologies, releasing the grip of the hierarchical structure we had somehow constructed through elementary and middle school and finding ourselves in groups that somehow seem made for us. Of course, many struggle to find this close-knit community, but are no longer outcasted by the entirety of the grade all the same.
Many of my senior friends have commented that this effect is multiplied tenfold by the time you reach your final year of high school, as people come to terms with the end of their childhood and realize they feel a bond to every kid they have traveled through the ages with. This gives me more hope for adulthood as well - while we may all be dispersed so widely the existence of a “popularity” metric is laughable, I feel comforted by the idea that many experience a desire to reunite and foster new connections with their peers as they enter adulthood.
Signing off,
nexisphere
My family settled in Southern Minnesota when I was around 4 years old. My parents, of course, wanted me to be able to adjust to the new culture and ideologies of America so I could more readily fit in with and interact with my peers. Hence, the endless TV shows and movies that were meant to show me what exactly life was like in America.
I don’t quite remember the name of this particular show, but I believe it was on Disney channel - all I remember is a family of 4, with two siblings who were always at each other's throats. I remember being entranced by this show between the ages of 6 and 8 - by then we had gained a new addition to the family with my brother, who quickly became my dress-up doll and partner in crime. I found myself fantasizing about being like the girl in the show, as she was an older sister to a younger brother as well.
Additionally, I soon found myself fantasizing about the social scene at the (highly dramatized) school the girl was going to. To a young, impressionable girl desperate to fit in with her peers who seemed to have already developed long-standing relationships, the idea that one could be “popular” - the type of person everyone wanted to talk to and be around, was quite enticing. I found myself practicing the walk, talk, demeanor, and style of the “popular” people in this show - without quite understanding how this idea manifests in real life. However, reflecting back upon my years in elementary, middle, and high school, and having a greater holistic understanding of beauty standards and the expectations around wealth and idealized personalities, I feel I have a much better grasp on the fluctuations of this phenomena through the ages. Of course, I have to put a disclaimer here - after talking to friends from other countries and even states, these varying ideologies and idealisms are actually even more variant across regions and take into account many external, environmental, and social factors. These statements and observations I make are just that - observations of my own suburban middle-class town in North America and the social scene as my peers and I developed and grew.
Let’s start with elementary school. Now here is an interesting age - at this point, children are learning the basic rules of life and understanding the existence of various lifestyles. We begin coming to terms with the fact that not everyone was raised the same way as us or lives in the same type of household. It’s a quite fascinating revelation actually - I have always been a big people-watcher, and I remember this habit starting right around elementary school when I was exposed to such a wide variety of people and styles and languages and cultures and rules. I had a pretty unique experience in elementary school - I was actually friends with many of the “popular” people in our grade, the types of people that everyone knew and talked about and wanted to be close with. I remember being approached by random children multiple times just for them to ask me how I became friends with “them.” Here’s the thing - being around these “popular” people did not automatically launch me to stardom. You could think of me more like this group's “assistant” or even PR representative - children like these often spoke to me because the others were “too cool” to approach directly. Yeah. Kids are brutal. But it gave me a good chance to take a step back and observe this hierarchy as it began to develop.
In Elementary school I observed 4 main standards upon which popularity was developed. Objective beauty, how “old” you looked, your involvement in cross-gender interaction, and skill.
Let’s break this down, starting with objective beauty. European beauty standards were quite prevalent in elementary school. Popular media at the time perpetuated this standard of long, blonde hair, small noses, bright eyes, and light or “tan” skin. You can imagine the adverse effects this had on my own self-worth. The majority of the group of “popular” kids that I engaged with regularly all had these traits. But the ones who didn’t had some of the others - particularly how “old” they looked.
In elementary and middle school, honestly as children in general, one of the biggest standards of how “cool” you were was how much older you looked than everyone else. The idea that someone was allowed to do more or hang out with older kids or even look like them was a major boost to one’s popularity, because everyone wanted to be around the kinds of people who had older siblings or could be friends with older kids. As a kid, all you want to do is be older than you are, to grow up fast, to make all your own choices and do “whatever you want.” So, the kids with older siblings, with painted nails, with streaks of color in their hair, with phones and other technology, etc, were instantly boosted in the elementary school food chain.
Next, cross-gender interaction. This one is a little obvious. As kids with little experience in romantic endeavors and exposed to the dramatized American media about romance and “true love,” we all wanted to experience our “Cinderella” moment and find true love on the playground. This also ties into the idea of acting “older,” as we all knew about teenagers and their legendary romantic exploits. Rumors about a “couple” in elementary school (derived from glimpses of hands touching or even, once in a while, a kiss) immediately made the people involved the talk of the playground town. This trait I find quite humorous looking back, especially having experienced a year in high school where one could argue that being single brings more appeal in terms of “popularity.”
And finally - skill. This is my favorite marker of popularity in elementary school as I look back and shake my head at some of the other traits. In elementary school, despite exposure to popular media, children have a much more open worldview in terms of future careers. Everything is an adventure, and being a magician is just as cool and feasible as being a doctor - even more so. Hence, skills like making slime, riding a bike with no hands, speaking another language, even making weird shapes with one's tongue could all launch a child to stardom as word spreads of their excellence in some category that was apparently going to make them “famous” in the future. Who doesn’t want to be friends with the next Harry Houdini?
Ah… middle school. The best of times and the worst of times. I will say, I had a unique experience in middle school with COVID wiping out the majority of my first two years and exposing us to even more media than previously normal. However, middle school has some of the most fascinating popularity dynamics of all the levels of primary schooling. I watched my popular elementary school group fluctuate and transform in the face of an entirely new group from the other elementary school that fed in with us,
In middle school, the 4 main markers of popularity I observed were: wealth, beauty and personal style, romantic endeavours, and again, how “old” you behaved and acted.
Let’s start with wealth - a new marker. As children grow older and understand the social hierarchy that is present in our world, it is more common to compare our economic standing with that of others as it becomes more obvious what a difference it can make in one’s life. That kid with the cabin, or that kid with the boat, or that kid with the 3 story house and an indoor movie theatre, all have something other kids want desperately, and the opportunity to “ask their parents” for more. As a kid, the greatest thing money buys is experiences, from multiple vacations to jet skiing to throwing big birthday parties. As a result, the people who can afford the most experiences become centered in middle-school hierarchies as the ones you should try to be friends with in order to be included in all the fun.
Next, let’s look at beauty and personal style. While I talked about euro-centric beauty standards earlier, I found that in my region, middle school was the time when people began to branch outside of just race-based beauty standards and more so style. This integrated greatly with the “wealth” aspect as those who could afford the latest and greatest brands were commended for their “stylistic” sense - as well as those with the confidence (and again, money) to dress the way they wanted, from the goth girl to the kid with the shiniest Jordans. This metric is a little more heartwarming as it was enjoyable to watch these hierarchical semantics play out in a more even and diverse playing field that enabled self-expression. But it again centered the issue of access and economic disparity, as many of these celebrated styles were more expensive than many could afford.
I’m going to talk about romantic endeavors and how “old” you behaved together, as they often wound up so. In middle school, the kids with the lenient parents, who could invite people to their own home or go over to other people’s, the kids who threw parties, even the kids who were getting involved with substances, were strangely admired for their ability to act like and surround themselves with the highschoolers we so idolized. This ties back into the seemingly eternal struggle for children in situating ourselves as individuals with strong opinions and the ability to choose for ourselves while still being largely under the jurisdiction of our families. As puberty entered the mix and many of us were experiencing emotions as we never had before, romantic endeavors were established as a marker of “advancement” in life and social stature. This metric in particular saddens me as I remember the countless individuals I spoke with that were experiencing desperation for a romantic or even sexual adventure of their own, feeling pressured far past what is necessary for a child in our society and encouraged by the ideology that they were “behind” because they weren’t experiencing these things at the same rate.
An interesting phenomena happened when we all entered high school, however. While I will confirm that I have only just completed my first year of high school and still have much more to learn, many of the cliques and metrics for popularity here have largely dissipated. It’s quite fascinating - while those people with the traits I have mentioned before, including wealth, romantic and sexual experience, and beauty were still talked about, they weren’t necessarily the center of attention or even acknowledged as “popular” kids. In high school I’ve noticed a reemergence of an emphasis on individual style and skill, as kids that demonstrate high involvement in activities from music to sports to robotics, kids who have interesting skills or are known for their expansive knowledge on some subject, and more, are more recognized by their peers - and more specifically, groups of their peers. As we enter the transition period between childhood and entering the “adult” world, many of my peers have found comfort in friend groups with similar interests and ideologies, releasing the grip of the hierarchical structure we had somehow constructed through elementary and middle school and finding ourselves in groups that somehow seem made for us. Of course, many struggle to find this close-knit community, but are no longer outcasted by the entirety of the grade all the same.
Many of my senior friends have commented that this effect is multiplied tenfold by the time you reach your final year of high school, as people come to terms with the end of their childhood and realize they feel a bond to every kid they have traveled through the ages with. This gives me more hope for adulthood as well - while we may all be dispersed so widely the existence of a “popularity” metric is laughable, I feel comforted by the idea that many experience a desire to reunite and foster new connections with their peers as they enter adulthood.
Signing off,
nexisphere
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